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 this isnt fiction. im putting it here because ik no one's gonna read it. im so fucking done with life. stressed and all. im so tired of being grateful and feeling priviledged. like ok ik wtv but im so fucking tired. i wish i was good at something. i wish i've got motivation and talent. all i have is rage and fear and greed. im spiraling again and it's fucking exhausting. i cant keep seeeing everyone have their lives figured out while mine is in fucking shambles. am i not a fucking failure. im so tired. so fucking tired. im highkey failing yooooooo and it's tearing me apart. im not good at anything. i mean i am,,, but i don't have any motivation to improve myself. ig my depression isnt completely gone. im so stressed out about post-secondary. i can go far......but i dont have money. I wish i was rich. i wish i have a job. i wish i have money. money money money!!!!!!!! i love money. i literally dont have a single problem that i cant fix with money. if i go out of province the student loan and residence fee gonna be hell. and i cant even fucking do anything about it. scholarships could only do so much. yea...scholarships. if i dont manage to get one im a fucking failure. i will keep that in mind. I have to get one. I have to take some weight off of my parents' shoulders. fuck these greedy governors. we live in a terrible society. yk that if u don't pay your student loan in time it starts charging interest? well, duh. But that hurts sbbbbbbb i dont want to spend my entire life worrying about money. Are my parents' lives like that? i have a feeling. maybe i wont be any better. it just keeps getting worse. i shouldnt have been born at all. there's so much pain and suffering. i hope i get a good job. oh and i need to be good with people too. that's rough. i cant do that. i fucking hate people. what can you do for a lot of money all while being a misanthrope? i thinks scientists should figure that out first before going to space. Space is a fucking waste of money anyways. Like...leave it alone the fuck??? and go explore the oceans or something. they keep blowing people's tax money on the dumbest shit ever. No one fucking needs to know what the surface of mars or venus anyways. that's useless info. cool for scientist, ig. but i still dont get the needs to explore space in the first place. or is it because we've discovered so much of earth that the planet doesnt matter anymore? i mean, it's showing with how people are treating the planet nowadays. wtv back to what i was saying. everything is so fucking expensive, and jobs are hard to find, and house prices keep going up. i hope it gets better when i grow up. i just wanna die. no, no i dont. thats not right. stop saying stupid selfish things like that you fucking snowflake. im so tired. there's gotta be smth to be done about it right??? Oh, oh i can study very hard and be very smart!!! But how can i do that when im constantly stressed about being a financial burden to my parents and a load to my friends?  welp. ive got nothin. im not that smart not that pretty not that funny or talented and the worst part is that i dont even have the fucking motivation to fucking fix it. i'll just admit that im fucking lazy and disappointing okay? i like the sound of that better. im so tired. i hate everyone and everything. even myself? yeah, especially myself 

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