You, Him, and everything in between

     Sunset filters through the cracks of our lives

I lie in the bathtub, bleeding dry

Drowning in blood, I cry

My body falls apart until breathing feels light.

There's my water supply, running away

 down my breasts, carrying my youth-blue days

It pulls the salty tears out of my eyelids

Then my saliva bubbles and dissipates. 

Moths in my stomach where butterflies should've flied

Intestines vomit

an empty pack of Camel, a half-digested serenade, mold from the bile of his bites.

My abdomen twists into itself, juicing out the 

    clogged, half-hearted sex

Before it detonates into chunks,

—on the walls, curtains, to the shower head 

    rains down on me.

Sinking in my own remains

a sailboat

sloping over the human.

Everything slips out of me to leave room

 for an empty skeleton

Hugging it 

    is the pulsing of putrid flesh.

as I continue to decompose and choke,

His love pushes me down low

His love kisses me where I'm most beautiful

like a vulture in the afterglow.

Then my heart

—my heart

rips through its membrane 

detaches from its arteries

and goes up in flame.

The viscus explodes, splattering onto marble walls memories 

A confession under the poinciana now 

dissolving by my feet

Coffee from our gloomy mornings gushes out my lips

and just the scent of him crawling up on me.

Blood sloshes over my chest 

where his cigarettes burn

And I'm drowning in my empty body, in the crimson secretion

—the sanguinary shedding of self, playing havoc with me.

Blood and saliva pool on my tongue, then

the door pushes open and you enter, 

You roll up your sleeves and crouch down.

You drain the mucus red away from my torn body 

Push my hair up my face, ripped from my throat down in flesh is

—the calamity. 

With a gentle warmth you pick up my insides to rearrange them back in 

your breath never leaves mine.

Once I'm clean, 

Intestines loaded with chrysanthemum tea, homemade soup, and endearments

Put in me the vanilla-scented nights.

You've collected chunks of meat, one by one

and mend them with your hands.

Not a word, just your tongue and my name. 

I taste my lips

Honey.

My body closes up inch by inch 

until there's only my heart fluttering

You sew it up with the arteries

Blue and red through white threads of benignity.

In there, too, the polaroid of me on your bed

Cloths from your handkerchief

and the petals of our tender days. 

Scrubbing diligently despite your bloody hands

until I'm breathing again

no more traces of him 

except for a healing scar.

Your love raises me from salt water

Kisses me where I'm ugliest

with the purity of a sparrow on steps of cement.

Just once, I open my eyes

But you push them closed again

and the water runs 

warm.

I'm in your arms. on the satin sheets

Our room smells of juniper and kisses and whispers

"You stayed up all night?" I rasp out, my voice like breath against cries

"You were sick." You reply simply, softness on my skin.

Through my closed eyes, sunrise 

You smile

& I'm alive

& I'm alive

& I'm alive again. 

*****

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Note: Icel I fucking love this piece sm I deadass do i might need to do more love poems. I do have a lot of that in me.  2109.

Last edit: August 14th, 2026